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The Dark Knight Rises - Second Review

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My first review isn't required to read in order to read this one - but if interested, there's a link to it in the description.

I know I've already been writing one review of this movie. But... not only do I feel like I was being too nice to the movie - I have additional points to make about it. This movie just simply fascinates me with how horrible it actually is. I've seen it 3 times in total now - it gets worse with each viewing. I felt uncomfortable the third time I watched it.
Yes, of course you're allowed to love the movie. Lots of people do. But I hate when people are blinded by their love of something and ignores all the dumb flaws. You recognize the flaws and still love the movie a lot? Awesome. I wish I could do the same, but I can't. Anyway, here we go.

Why is Alfred so much against Bruce being Batman all of a sudden, and claiming he has always been this much against it? Anyone who saw the first two movies knows this is a big fat lie. Heck - Alfred encouraged him to keep on being Batman. In The Dark Knight when Bruce wants really badly to quit being Batman, Alfred INSISTS he should still be Batman. How can you be so inconsistent to first do everything to make him stay as Batman, but then do everything to make him NOT become Batman again? This is ridiculous.
And poor Michael Caine, giving us an incredible performance as Alfred even crying and everything - and yet, all for nothing, since it's so incredibly contrived and stupid. Hey, Master Wayne - I'm now telling you I was burning a letter to spare you the pain of Rachel saying she has moved on from you, but now wants you to get that pain into you so you will hate me and stop being Batman. I really don't know how this makes sense, but... uhm, it adds some extra drama.
And I know people already talked about this, but how the heck does Alfred know so incredibly much about Bane? He just spews out information about Bane out of nowhere.

Another thing that bugs me is that they weakened Batman/Bruce Wayne in this movie. He hasn't been Batman for years, and is even randomly crippled, even using a cane. Of course Bane obviously will defeat Batman when they fight each other - he is out of shape. As far as I know from Knightfall, Bane broke Batman at his peek. And even if it's not the case - that's what we want to see. We want to see Bane is a serious dangerous threat who Batman can not possibly beat even at his peek, dangit. So then because of that, he must figure out a way to still defeat Bane after his back being broken by him. But nope... we get nothing of that.
Heck, while I've said I like the first confrontation between Batman and Bane in the movie, it's not just only ruined a bit by Batman being weaker than in the last movie. It's also ruined by the fact that Bane never shuts up. He keeps on and on and on talking. It's just annoying, and is a prime example of how overly heavy on dialogue Nolan's Batman movies really are.

And the more I think about one thing in specific, the dumber and more contrived it is (that's a perfect way to sum up everything in the movie - contrived). I'm talking about the whole struggle with Bruce Wayne getting out of that prison hole and us seeing the flashbacks of a kid. There's a gap you need to jump over in order to be able to get out of there, and Bruce needs to embrace his fear in order to make the jump. Now THAT I understand - adrenaline rushes helps us getting temporarily stronger.
HOWEVER... a small kid who has been imprisoned, who's even a female... she could make the jump. A small female kid who's weakened in prison. But Bruce Wayne, AKA Batman, the most well-trained male martial artist and badass bastard who just has been training himself to his peek in the prison cell, can NOT? No... just no. That's just beyond physically impossible. But... that's not even the dumbest thing. The dumbest thing is that when he is up there without the rope and ready to make the jump... Bruce stands at the edge and jumps, and barely reach it. Uhm... why didn't you move back to the back end of the platform and at least run a little bit to build up momentum? If you do that, you would probably have even been able to reach the next platform the first time you tried. Come on!
There are also other dumb things like how bats fly out right before he jumps... not to mention, the ropes doesn't harm anyone even the slightest bit when you fall down tied to the rope, even though it would undoubtly KILL you in real life. That fucking rope would make you literally spew out your guts - but in the movie, it's just a mild annoyance. HELLO?!!
And don't get me started on how Bruce gets his spine fixed again... they punch in a vertebra. I mean... that would be lethal to do, guys. When a vertebra is dislocated, the vertebras above and below pushes together - you would just break it further by punching it in again. Yes, I do know Bruce hangs from a rope while they do this - but that would not help. You would actually need a proper chiropractor to carefully move the vertebra back in place with delicacy. The spine is the most dangerous part of your skeleton to mess around with. I'm not educated in these things at all - and even I know this shit.

And say... do you know Daggett? The guy responsible for Hagan becoming Clayface (at least in the animated series)? He's in the movie. The one Bane kills by, uhm... squashing his face slowly off-screen, I think (?). And all he does in the movie is to be a whiny prick. Oh, and he has a bodyguard in here. And do you know what sources tells me? These two are lovers. Yes, gay. And... they are both killed off. Great, Nolan... you underuse a significant character, avoids mentioning his homosexuality, and then kills him and his significant other. So yes, I guess we can assume Nolan is secretly being a bit homophobic (to my defense, I'm not the first one to say this, in case you think I'm trying too hard to find homophobia in everything).
And speaking of underused characters... Scarecrow appears as a judge in this movie. Awesome and all, but... why aren't we given a proper closure to his character? He just vanishes after we see him as the judge. At least kill him off or let us see him being punched by Batman or... SOMETHING. And don't get me started on how inconsistent it is they release ALL the criminals of Gotham City, but yet... nothing with the Joker. I get it, Heath Ledger is dead... they didn't want to replace him. But this is why they should never have avoided mentioning him at all whatsoever in the movie in the first place - it makes it inconsistent. To avoid even briefly mentioning what happened to Joker isn't to respect Ledger's legacy, Nolan... that's just you being a coward who's overly worried you will offend someone. But in fact... if I where a family member or something of Heath ledger - I would have been ROYALLY pissed off you avoid ANYTHING whatsoever with the Joker character here. I mean... at least say he killed himself in the Asylum or SOMETHING. You make these things seem SO much harder than they are, Nolan. It's not a matter of time or money - these things are beyond simple to get right.

I have to address something with Nolan. He really, really doesn't know how to write female characters without making them unlikable or annoying or stereotypical. It's downright offensive. And that's why he avoided any roles for women outside of the generic whiny love interest Rachel in the first two movies. But after they insisted him on having more female characters with his last movie... oh god.
I hate Catwoman in this movie. Some people think she's the best Catwoman ever... I don't see it. Not only do I think Catwoman in Year One is the perfect Catwoman to me (also in the DC Showcase Catwoman animated short) - but I also think Catwoman was better in Batman Returns, despite being a different character there. Anne Hathaway is not a great actor, people. She's not awful or even bad or anything, but... nothing special about her. She was terrible in Alice in Wonderland, and all her other roles except those two are forgettable as far as I am concerned. I will just always remember her as the bitch who indirectly killed a gay guy in Brokeback Mountain. :P And... as Catwoman, she just tries too damn hard. Look at me, I'm cool and sexy and perfect, no one can beat me... give them credit - she DOES fear Bane and is portrayed as being a bit unsure and insecure, but... that's about it. She ruins Bruce's life basically and does some dumb things she never has to pay the consequences for (which of course, male characters in the same situation ALWAYS do in movies, but not female ones). And... the high heels are dumb and impractical, I hate she doesn't have a whip or a black cat Isis or cat ears but instead goggles shaped like cat ears when she puts them up, and she uses guns and uses the batpod. And that pointless girl she has to follow her around... had a point in Year One, doesn't have a point here. :P
Miranda Tate/Talia Al Ghul... oh god, oh god. Not only does the actor give an AWFUL performance, and not only does the character feel extremely tacked on - but the character is just a complete moron. Durrr... the father I hated, I love now after you killed him, and will now take my vengeance on him! I guess you could have told me he would have killed himself either way and that you technically did not kill him, but that doesn't matter! And don't ask me why I had sex with the man I hate the most in the world and didn't even take my chance to do anything there, because that would have actually made sense! Now let's, uhm... wait to blow up the city till the city destroys itself, just so that we then can blow it up to literally destroy it... uhm... yeah!
Bane would have been perfectly fine as his own villain. But everything about him is ruined when we see him being Talia's personal bitch... and the fact that he's taken out so easily by CATWOMAN, and she simply just shoots him.

And I know I've said it before, but... how can the fake death of Batman not ruin the movie for you, people? It's the dumbest and most insulting thing I have ever seen. He was in the cockpit when it blew up... even if he flew out when it blew up, there's just no way he would have survived. If the autopilot was on as it was suggested later, that doesn't matter... we saw him in the cockpit. He was literally seen sitting INSIDE the cockpit when the damn thing blew up.
Oh, remember the scene where a young boy sings the National Anthem of USA at a football arena? We see Bane hiding and saying "That's a lovely voice."... and then does nothing. Not until the football game begins, he blows up the arena. Am I really the only one who would have thought it would have been a much more tragic and dramatic yet somehow funny and humoristic scene in a dark humor sense if Bane blew the arena up with the boy standing there after he said "that's a lovely voice"? You might would think that would make it too "funny" given it being a tragedy, but... they already do make a joke at the explosion - a poor one at that. We see a football player run with his football, not realizing the ground is shattering behind him even though he obviously should. At least blowing the kid up WOULD be a funny joke right after Bane said that line, even though it WOULD have been a dark one. But we need dark humor, dangit... especially in a movie like this. I'm just saying. :P

This movie is considered a masterpiece by people... they call the trilogy a perfect trilogy, and the best trilogy ever made even. And yet... I've now made two reviews explaining how dumb this movie really is.
I thought it was below average after the first view, giving it a 4 out of 10. After second view and me being open it might not be so bad after all, it got worse and I wanted to give it a 3. Now after the third view...? I won't lie, I think it's one of the worst movies I have ever seen. There are good things about this movie, even though very few good things... and I brought them up in my first review. But really... this has to be the most overrated movie ever made. It's the only movie in my list of worst movies I have seen, since this is the only one of them people in general considers a masterpiece. I'm not trying to be a hipster and forcefully go against the flow - I've given some really constructive criticism here. I think the movie is horrible. Yes, I think it's worse than Batman & Robin - that movie was intentionally stupid.

Rating: :star::star-empty::star-empty::star-empty::star-empty::star-empty::star-empty::star-empty::star-empty::star-empty:
Here's my first review after watching the movie once: [link]

Sorry about the delay, I knew I said a while ago I was going to do this. But... here it is finally. :XD:
Again, please love this movie as much as you want if you do. But please do also realize it's a seriously flawed movie. It's actually exceptionally flawed, I have to say. I've made two reviews addressing the flaws now - and I don't think I've covered even half of them.
© 2013 - 2024 Kurvos
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spencermalley's avatar
So much UGh while reading this review.